Sunday, 29 October 2017

Movies Part III

The first 4 were good but this...

MOVIES I COULDN'T SIT THROUGH (ie. Wasted time & money renting these. Why do I torture myself trying to watch all this shit. Well I kinda don't anymore, only sometimes. Thank God)
Drive (2011)
Tediously dim plus am I the only person who thinks Ryan Gosling is dull as fuck?
Scott Pilgrim V The World (2010) 
Who cares?
American Hustle (2013)
What a load of shite.
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (2008) 
OMG! Worst idea for a film ever.
Cabin In The Woods (2012) 
"It's so way out and meta, man."
Phone Booth (2002) 
Does anyone actually like the actor in this phone box?  
This Is 40 (2012) 
The worst characters in a film ever played by the most unconvincing actors I've come across.
February (2015) 
No atmosphere or tension. 23 minutes in I couldn't have cared less what happened to these characters to continue watching.
King Kong (2005) 
Sleepy time.
Berberian Sound Studio (2012) 
Fuck off with your pretentious fake giallo homage!
The Wicker Man (2006) 
Nicholas Cage or Keanu Reeves: Who's worse?
Oh Brother Where Art Though (2000) 
"So quirky & unusual, man. Oh and I just love the soundtrack. Country music's so interesting."
I'm Not There (2007) 
I'm so not there. Never will be.
Horrible Bosses (2011)
Horrible movie.
Bad Teacher (2011) 
Bad Movie.
Friday The 13th Part 5 (1985) 
I got maybe a third of the way in when I realised this was so bad...it was just bad.
The Road (2009) 
I love sleep.
27 Dresses (2008) 
Got about 9 minutes into this.
Studio 54 (1998) 
The Thin Red Line (1998)
So much sleep to get here.
Waterworld (1995) 
The great snooze-fest continues. Maybe this isn't that bad but I just can't make it through without at least 3 naps.
Gods & Monsters (1998) 
Bad acting and a bad script = Oscars. 
Noah (2014) 
WTF? Can you believe this guy had actually directed several good films before this one?
Hilary & Jackie (1998) 
Banger Sisters (2002) 
So Fake.
Jacob's Ladder (1990) 
I think I was supposed to be intrigued. I was intrigued by what another sleep would be like.
Mars Attacks (1996) 
Looking at the inside of my eyelids was infinitely more interesting than looking at this picture.
Demons (1985) 
Some film buffs recommend this. Why? I got maybe 12 minutes in and had to call it. "But Dario Argento co-wrote and produced it."  Big woop.
The Dorm That Dripped Blood (1982) 
Didn't care enough about the characters to see what happened to them in the end, well I hope they all died and there was no final girl.
In The Realm Of The Senses (1976) 
"Incredibly deep and meaningful Asian porn" with the worst soundtrack ever.

5 CLASSICS STARRING JULIE CHRISTIE
Don't Look Now
Demon Seed
McCabe & Mrs Miller
Petulia
Billy Liar

NEVER SEEN
American Graffiti
Empire Strikes Back
Anything directed by Rob Zombie

MOVIES I SURPRISINGLY DIDN'T HATE
Knock Knock (2015)
Director Eli Roth comes across a such a tool but this could have been a major cult classic if they had cast a good leading man but hey, they got Keanu Reeves and he cannot act. The two leading ladies are fantastic though. Really good story, I thought. Wasted opportunity.
The Revenant (2015)
A bear V past his prime Leo, who would have thought entertainment would ensue?
Drag Me To Hell (2009)
Sam Raimi had made maybe one good movie since Evil Dead so I definitely was not expecting this to be good or even ok or even a bit less than ok.
The Black Swan (2010)
Expected this to be a very boring chick flick. Are you allowed to say that now, boring?
Dallas Buyers Club (2013)
McConaughey hadn't been cool for like 20 years then...
Bad Neighbours (2014) 
Gotta love Rose Byrne. She's the best comic actress of our time.
The Notebook (2004)
Thought this was gonna be the worst pile o shite ever but I didn't hate it.
Killer Joe (2011)
Elderly directors usually don't make films you wanna watch. All film directors should be shot by the time they reach 50. Most of today's young directors should be rounded up and massacred immediately!
The King's Speech (2010)
The fucking royal family can go fuck themselves. Why isn't Australia a republic? Anyway this was alright with all the actoring and stuff.
The Passion Of The Christ (2004)
It had been over 30 years since Mel was involved with a good movie. So for this to be a classic is rather astounding. Yeah I know he's an arsehole but he might be a genius. Does that make him a genius arsehole?
Death Proof (2007)
Tarantino is the most overrated, unimaginative and derivative film maker of our time yet he thinks he so fucking great. My god he finds himself oh so interesting and clever. He started out with three good films and it's been all downhill ever since. Nobody recommended this one.
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)
I think I saw this late one night on telly. Maybe I was wasted but I thought it was a good cheesy slasher.
Dressed To Kill (1980)
Never liked a De Palma movie in my life but this was a good laugh.

1 comment:

  1. Spent money on a cinema ticket to see American Hustle, could have spent it on crisps instead. Think I did fall asleep watching American Graffiti so...

    ReplyDelete